Colossians 3:18-21

Godliness in our families.

The grace of God that enables us to cast aside sins and to don a life of blessing also rejuvenates our close relationships. To emphasize that point Paul enumerates a common set of roles and gives a single instruction that demonstrates a healthy approach to each relationship.

Godliness will reach beyond these specifics, but it appears that Paul gave these commands to address core ways that we are tempted to excuse our own sinning. Triumph in Christ will reach further into our souls than we might imagine.

In verses 18-21, Paul deals with families.

Wives are enjoined to yield to their husband’s leadership. This submission is described as being fitting in the Lord, that is appropriate and beautiful.

Rancor does not advance the tenderness and intimacy that should be the hallmark of companionship between a husband and wife. It also should be foreign to hearts that are touched and empowered by the grace of God, and it dishonors God by making the gospel appear powerless to rescue us from sinning.

The husband’s role is to lead, which includes the protection and care of his wife, but she may through fear or selfishness insist on manipulating her circumstances for her own pleasure or safety. In this way she may grasp at what she sees as her own good without realizing that trusting God is the right and better way. Ultimately none of us can really insure our own safety and well-being. If a wife insists on driving her husband in this way, it applies pressure against his growth in healthy godliness in his role.

Submission does not mean yielding to passive-aggressive manipulation. A wife is not a mindless beast intended to serve the appetites of a scoundrel. Peter commands that she be shown “honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” A believing wife should understand the safe identity she has in Christ and expect the respect that brings. (1 Peter 3:7)

Husbands are instructed to love their wives and to avoid being embittered against them. Paul does not elaborate here concerning the nature and extent of this unselfish love, but you can read greater details at the end of Ephesians 5. In short, this love involves imitating Christ’s sacrifice for the church: unselfish nurture and cherishing respect.

A wife may sin like anyone else and forgiveness must be prompt. A wife may have persistent struggles or needs. A matching persistence of patience must be the response rather than resentments that grow a bitter heart. Lazy husbands who don’t engage day by day with the needs of the household are following a kind of selfishness that is unacceptable for men rescued by the grace of the Lord.

Children are instructed to obey their parents thoroughly, and such behavior is pleasing to the Lord. A child’s heart that is blessed by God’s grace will be sweetly cooperative and open to instruction. Yet even for believers, our flesh drives us to willful rebellion, bringing discord and broken relationships. Children also need to be trained to grow in grace.

There is a wide range of personal dispositions among children, but all of them are tempted to sinning in their own way. Growing in obedience to parents is a good place to start for all of them. Such yieldedness to parents gives the child exercise in struggling against his own bent toward sinning, and this disposition can transfer to a yieldedness to God. Worshiping God in obedience is something we all must do.

Fathers are not to treat their children in a way that causes them to lose hope for living. Exasperation can be caused by inconsistent or unjust discipline or perfectionistic ideals which lie beyond the reach of anyone.

Unclear expectations are frustrating. Communication is hard. Self-expression is when your words make sense to you. That doesn’t mean that others get your point. You know communication has occurred when you have received specific feedback from the other person that demonstrates that he both heard and understood.

When we read this passage there is a strong temptation to be trapped in a version of perfectionism that draws a very narrow ideal concerning the relationships being pictured. It is noteworthy that Paul is actually drawing the barest outlines of a sketch.

God has created a vast diversity of people with differing personalities: we are not machines. He didn’t use a cookie cutter to create us. The mandate of saving grace upon our lives is a thorough washing away of sinfulness and a restoration of each of us as individual creatures made in the image of God.

What loving, unselfish godliness looks like in each circumstance and relationship will differ, and we do not have within ourselves the wisdom it takes to see clearly in these matters. But God does. Walking in the wisdom of God will enable you to follow His lead each day. He pours out wisdom generously to those who are willing to go His way.

Pursuit of wisdom for today from the Ancient of Days

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